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Old 05-27-2009, 01:48 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 504

Originally Posted by Alhena View Post
Thing is I'm scared to say anything that might sound negative to her because I'm quite sure she will just decide I'm a bitch, she doesnt like me and not allow my bf to see me anymore, which would totally suck and break my heart. So I'm trying to stay quiet and do what she says so I can stick around, I kinda figure if I just go along with her she wont mind having me around. I know I said in my last post its what I'm tired of which makes it confusing lol I just dont want to upset her.
When you are quiet and shy, you are inviiting people to guess at your feelings. And I have noticed that people project their feelings when they guess. So if you can state your feelings, you are leaving less room for guesswork. There are still some people who will still project their feelings after this, but being open about your feelings weeds a lot of those issues out. Maybe start small. Let them know you feel expendable.

I just thought she would have more experiance with being comfortable with other girls around her husband. Isn't it something you get used to or learn to live with when you choose this lifestyle?
Heh. It reminds me of how some people drive. Just because they have driven for many years, they can still be scary drivers. It sounds like they are still learning. Since polyamory is so new, I think even the "experts" are still learning.

How much of a relationship should there be between 2 people who just happen to be dating the same person?
I think relationships evolve to be what they are. It could be a close bonded relationship or a casual friendship. At the minimum you just need to be able to communicate with the person to help plan out stuff and share your needs/desires. There are some couples where their other lovers never meet, so I guess it is not really the minimum. So it sounds like you are doing ok in that area.

Also find it hard to think id ever hold a valuble place in his life because like I mentioned in the OP I've been just pushed away before. Any problem that arises between them seems to be magically fixed by getting rid of the gf even if it has nothing to do with me. I was very hurt once to find out he offered to stop seeing me just to get her to stop being mad at something else, like it would just solve the problem. If gf thaat much less important that a wife?
This shows that they are still working out issues. You should not be treated as expendable. It sounds like she is still working out some jealousy issues if your bf is still offering to drop you to please her.
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