Thread: GreenMom's Blog
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Old 06-20-2012, 06:13 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Originally Posted by GreenMom View Post
Derrick is going between saying he "misunderstood" or "misinterpreted" the boundaries, to saying that he was deliberately looking for a loophole so he created one by telling himself it was all okay since it wasn't physical with the other women. He has confirmed that in addition to the current one, there were two others - one that was limited to online only/cyber interactions, and one that also included the phone sex.
WOW! WOW! This sounds so familiar . Hugs! You are not alone, it can get better, but not overnight.

I just don't really know how to move forward from this. I don't trust him at all. I'm not willing to end the marriage, so I have to find a way to re-build trust.
No, he has to find a way to re-build your trust. Unless he is willing to do the work, trust can't be re-built. He has to ask what's needed, even if your answer for a while is "I don't know". It is important that you tell him "I don't trust you at ALL. I don't know how this can be fixed, but I hope WE can." Then stop talking about it for a while.

You need a break from the drama and hurt. Get out of the house, do stuff that makes you feel good. Have a spa day, get your hair done, go to the movies with your girl friends and DON'T talk about any of this stuff. Re-hashing everything every day is not helpful to finding workable solutions. Try setting aside 2 blocks of time a week, for you and your husband to address the issues (trust, boundaries, etc), the rest of the time just deal with the normal, day to day stuff. You both need time to get back into a normal routine.
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