Derrick is going between saying he "misunderstood" or "misinterpreted" the boundaries, to saying that he was deliberately looking for a loophole so he created one by telling himself it was all okay since it wasn't physical with the other women. He has confirmed that in addition to the current one, there were two others - one that was limited to online only/cyber interactions, and one that also included the phone sex.
I just don't really know how to move forward from this. I don't trust him at all. I'm not willing to end the marriage, so I have to find a way to re-build trust.
It also really isn't helping that the "current" woman keeps contacting me to apologize, which ends up turning into me reassuring her again and again that she is not the one who messed up. She seems too genuinely upset for me to believe she is lying when she says that she was told it was "all cool" with me. She and I are friends, and I feel bad that she is hurting over this, but after six days straight of lengthy talks in which I try to help her feel better, I'm rather tired of it.
No one is here to make me feel better. My best friend won't even let me tell her what the problem is, because I told her I had a problem with my husband, and since she's friends with both of us she doesn't want to be "caught in the middle". The only friend I have found willing to listen pretty much told me "and this is why I will never go poly". So because we are poly I should expect to be lied to and cheated on?
I told Marty a very undetailed version of what happened. I didn't want to involve him, because I find it a bit inappropriate to talk to one partner about the issues with another. But we started to talk about our problems, and I just snapped. I can't deal with both relationships' issues at the same time. I asked him to please give me a little time to sort out the husband stuff, and then I will be happy to continue our conversation about us. On the positive side, he admitted that he thinks a lot of his lack of desire etc with both me and his wife comes from the meds, or lack thereof. I know he is really struggling and I hope his doctor can work with him to get things sorted.
I have plans to go over and see him tonight and I'm honestly not sure which would be better - go over, watch a movie, be distracted for a couple hours - or go home, do the "i'm a normal happy mommy" thing until kids are in bed, and then get into it with Derrick again. We shall see how the day goes.
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.
Me: F, 30's, bi.
Sadist: my fwb. M, 30's.
Pandora: Sadist's gf. F, 30's.