Thanks for sharing all that with us !
I think Redsiren gave you some good feedback regarding relationships (current or future) but I think it also spoke indirectly to a bigger need/concept that you need to grab (maybe you did).
Right now - you need to focus on YOU ! Relationships - although they might be/seem helpful - can also be a distraction. And even detrimental. My thoughts are just that I'd go slow and not give them a high priority just yet.
I'd focus on loving YOURSELF first and working towards making your life happy & fulfilling first - by your own definition and no one elses ! You seem obviously bright, caring, insightful, attractive and have a lot going for you. Everyone is not so lucky. Embrace the good you already have and try to add to it ! As I think Redsiren alluded to - the rest will follow
"Polyamory" is a very complex subject in both philosophy & action. Because of what I pick up of your generally loving nature and ability to open your mind along with your heart, I can see where it might strike a chord. My thoughts - don't be in a hurry. Take note of the possibilities but don't necessarilly go running hell bent down that path (or any for that matter) with the idea that it's somehow going to transform your life in 90 seconds <grin>. Those sudden transformations are rare.
Here I also have to offer a differing viewpoint on a couple statements Redsiren made. I think it's important.
1> "EVERYONE has 'baggage' "
2> " to assume you won't have baggage one day is naive."
I don't question that maybe that's "someones truth" - maybe even a lot in our current society. But I can assure you it's NOT the only truth
Depending on what we'd agree was a definition of "baggage", I could categorically assure you it's not true !
And the part about never being free of that 'baggage' just plain scares & depresses me. I think it could serve as an all too convenient 'crutch'. A failsafe for lack of total commitment. Ya know - kind of like saying "Well I'm off "Zgthryr Island" - which of course I know starting out doesn't exist - so if I never get there - it's not my fault. I'll just always be stuck on this dusty trail.
To me - that's just kind of self defeating.
You go girl ! You're awesome
I can just tell !