OK, the biggest thing is not that you are struggling to communicate, it's that you are ACTING before you communicate.
Many people have trouble communicating sensitive stuff with their partners. But they know enough not to act first, think later, which is what you are coming across as doing.
You want things to be easier. Fair enough. DO you think that your decisions and actions that you have taken before you discussed them with your boyfriend have made your life easier or more complicated and harder to sort out?
As I said before, please learn from this.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb