Originally Posted by dingedheart
In a poly mindset isnt he just gravitating toward something you can't give him.....his need for more than one day a week....his need for a gf. Maybe reframe it like that .....you aren't fulfilling all his needs ....you can't by nature of your other relationships and schedule.....and he's made the calculation on the loss vs gain ...for him. What about compersion?
I'd enjoy the time you have and be happy.
Aye, I would agree... if he identified as poly-leaning, I do not think the whole notion would trouble me so much. As NovemberRain and Vinccenzo point out, there is information he is deliberating choosing not to share with this woman. I have pointed out how I feel; that I feel like there's a big possibility he is only shooting himself in the foot by not being completely open with her. He acknowledges that it very well could turn into, 'shot self in foot situation,' but still feels like this is the way he should proceed.
Ultimately I want him to be happy. If that means letting him go to find his happiness, than I shall do so and go through that process when I come to it.
Originally Posted by NovemberRain
Me? I find it creepy that he has not disclosed to her the sexual nature of your interactions. He's waiting until she declares her intentions, and THEN he's gonna tell her he is sexual with you? Sounds like bait and switch to me. Little out of integrity. That would bother me more than worrying about whether or not he's going to stay or leave.
I have pointed out to him that I find it rather troubling/ disconcerting that he has chosen not to share that information with her openly... and IF she is interested in pursuing a relationship with him, he'll ask her if ethical non-monogamy, poly, whatever is something she's willing to consider.
Personally, if it was me, and someone approached me this way... My first question/ demand to the hypothetical person approaching me would be: can I meet your other partner? If they said yes without any hesitation, I would be inclined to continue communicating, but I would do so with a touch of caution. If they were not open to me meeting their other partner, I would walk.