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Old 06-19-2012, 06:42 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
Last month we decided my gf would move in with me after her lease was up (I was living alone) because she was over here all the time any way.
So you are living with her and not with him, ok. Does he have a wish to move in with you too?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
However, when I told my bf she would be moving in with me it really hurt him.
Wait, so the "we" above was your girlfriend and you - your boyfriend wasn't involved in the decision-making process, and you presented it to him as a done deal? Yes, I could imagine that he would feel incredibly hurt by that - I would too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
If you want to do something you do it
With respect, no. That is how children and immature adults behave - mature adults will look at possible consequences of actions, including who could possibly be hurt by it, and consult others before leaping in with both feet.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
I couldn't hold back anymore and asked her the question that had been on my mind for some time, I told her I wanted her to be my wife. She was ecstatic and said she wanted that as well - we were thrilled!
So once again you made a life-altering decision without even talking to your boyfriend about it. Your intention is to "inform him" that you are doing it. If he has a problem with it (which, given the previous incident, he most definitely will) then all this is going to do is hurt someone, either him, or her, when you have to back out on your offer.


Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
The next day however, I couldn't figure out how to tell my bf this news her & I were so excited to share.
You mean to present him with your fait accomplis - I'm changing our life, like it or lump it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
I kept waiting for the right moment but it never came.
And this is why a responsible person discusses important stuff BEFORE they do anything about it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
My gf has been patiently waiting and I know I look like the biggest jerk alive but she is in pain feeling I am leading her along.
And the longer you wait, the more pissed off your bf is going to be when he asks the question "And when, exactly did you propose to her?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
Telling him about the move in felt like kind of a test run and with how bad that went now I am more scared than ever to tell him about the engagement.
Yes, that should have been a lesson to you that maybe such huge decisions should be discussed first with those you supposedly care a lot about....

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
Am I a terrible person?
I don't know whether you are terrible or not, but if I was your boyfriend and you did this to me, not once, but twice, that would be the end of our relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
Like I said before, it's so hard balancing the happiness of 3 people (myself included) and knowing when to let love and relationships run their course and what is crossing boundaries.
The first incident should have given you a pretty big hint, to be honest.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
Can you make two primary relationships work?
Yes, if you treat them both with respect, which you are quite plainly not doing.

Your choices have got you into a big mess, here. Please PLEASE learn, and don't do it a third time.

You asked for advice. Well, tell your girlfriend that you were caught up in the moment, and hadn't discussed it with your boyfriend and that you really need to stop it all while the three of you work things out. Then you need to be 100% honest with your bf about what happened, and show him that you have reconsidered. Then the three of you need to get together and discuss your relationship configuration, where you rare and where you each want to go.

(Sorry if someone posted while I was typing this - I got interrupted a couple of time)
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