Totally agree with you about the difference between veto and asking someone's opinion. I am very glad that you have that dialogue going for you. The fact that this has increased the closeness between you and your friend is also a great thing, for sure.
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
I thought I'd addressed the therapeutic angle, but I probably wasn't clear. They never denied that they just wanted to fuck. They both admit that it's primarily a matter of convenience. My husband also felt that she could benefit from the release with someone safe. My friend denied any therapeutic benefits that she could think of, except possibly proving to herself that her ex was full of shit when he said no one else would want her.
I just really feel that it could do more harm than good.
I have had friends who struggled to feel desirable, so I have had second-hand experience of what that is like. The problem is that the mind-games can be played when you are self-doubting. Even if you have sex with someone, your mind goes to "yeah, but that was just a sympathy fuck, he didn't really WANT to."
The main thing is that it seems like you are all thinking about it, which means you will reach a well-considered decision about what to do.