Originally Posted by kdt26417
Re (from corey, Post #15
So, by that, does she mean that you're her only romantic relationship; that all her other relationships are platonic? If that's true, then I guess it's not so bad if she doesn't tell these friends about you ... a little disconcerting perhaps, but not *as*
Re (from corey, Post #15
Well, a little awkwardness seems (to me) a reasonable price to pay for being honest ...
But now the big questions:
- What, if anything, is she willing to compromise on?
- If she's not willing to compromise at all, can you live with that?
I get the impression she's presenting you with a "take it or leave it" situation. She's willing to explain why she does what she does (and maybe that makes it easier for you to live with it), but she's not willing to actually budge in her course or heading.
I guess my advice is, get 100% confirmation on what she is or isn't willing to budge on, hear her out on her explanations, and then ask yourself if you can live with what she's presenting to you. If you can't, you may have some tough decisions to make.
One thing that would concern me is if she wasn't willing to communicate with you about these things. These things call for communication. Even if she feels put out by communicating, I'd hope she'd grit her teeth and give it a chance. Like you said (in Post #7), you need her to be patient with repetitiveness as you have "re-hashes" of the same topics.
It concerns me that she's not okay with you getting any outside input about your situation (such as here on Polyamory.com). When someone doesn't want their partner to "talk to anyone else about it," it's often because that someone wants to control all the information.
You're not wrong to seek outside counsel. You can come to your own conclusions about which of that outside counsel you want to adopt into practice.
Again appreciate you guys talking this out for me. To follow up on your responses I must say that I do somewhat understand that if she is physically attracted to someone (she is very particular) that it would be difficult to go to the guy and just tell him she is in a relationship - I know that would make me feel uncomfortable. I did ask if I could meet him (i.e. he doesn't even have to know I am her boyfriend I said she could just casually introduce me as her friend one day if they were in the hall). Didn't get a yes on that quite yet, but didn't get a firm no either.
She has high expectations for me. She consistently tries to tell me how to be a better person (and I know that this may sound odd) but she often gives me advice on how to carry myself or how to act in certain occasions (to my benefit, not for her to control me). So this is that part that confuses me. Why would she care about how I hold myself around people or try to teach me to be a better person unless she did care. At the same time though I just dont see her "loving" side the way I expect.
Some background about her personality might be necessary I guess. She is very strong personality. She seriously sometimes makes me think of her as "one of the guys". Watching Enrique Iglesias Tonight (Im f**ign you) video the other night - while I am of course checking out the girl and she says to me "I see myself as being in that role, where I see a particular looking guy and i just like it"
Also, I recently read 20 romantic daily things you can do for your girlfriend (ie randomly hold her hand, spend more time with her...) etc She is the complete opposite and I was laughing thinking she would kick my ass if I ever did anything like that.
Me on the other hand I tend to play the reverse role and take on the "nice guy" personality trait. This is where she is consistently telling me that I don't need to ask "random strangers" on the internet for advice, that I need to be a man and make my own decisions. She does often times point out to me that she likes a man that is not "softy" so I think we do have that personality difference. Hell, I tell her sometimes I do feel less of a man when she is constantly critiquing everything about me (what I wear, how I sit) - I dont know if that is what is driving her away (me being somewhat "weak" personality) or what...