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Old 06-19-2012, 04:05 AM
canthiswork canthiswork is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 11
Default being the third wheel

This is more of an anonymous vent than a question, but I would really appreciate advice from anyone whoís been in my shoes.

I finally googled "polyamory" and found this website. Iím the "other woman" in a relationship with a wonderful man who has an honest, open marriage. Itís been several months and I really like him (love him, really) more than ever, but these are feeling that canít be reciprocated in a lopsided relationship like ours. He has his wife for love and emotional support, but I canít expect him to be there for me the way a fully devoted boyfriend would be. Iím afraid Iím some peripheral thing in his "real" life with his wife and kids, and that I might even be one of other poly interests. In all fairness to him, he is amazingly kind, attentive, and generous, and I expected all this when I decided to go out with him (Iíd rationalized that a "non-attachment" relationship would be better for me at this stage in my life), but I never counted on loving him and needing more out of the relationship.

I guess the moral of the story is that the "poly thing" can really suck for the monogamous "other" person. Maybe itís meant for wife/husband swappers, where it can so much more easily just be about fun and sex because each person has their real relationship to return to. As the third wheel, monogamous "other" person, Iím faced with the excruciating decision of either leaving the relationship because I love him too much, or somehow numbing my feelings so that it can go back to just being about fun.

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