Mind-blowingly similar Q. I'm not a comedian (but I am funny) and I don't like mushrooms :-)
However there are too many parellels with my own situation for me to not log onto this site and get an update of you/your situation. I would be a fool to ignore your thoughts, and those of the other people contributing to this - especially Kevin, who is a diamond geezer as we say in London.
I feel your bad days, as I have lived them, recently - some days the same day.. My situation is evolving, as situations do, and each day brings it's own set of challenges. Usually involving me/her/us.
Some days I feel strong, positive about myself (without her) and then the next day I fold, sucumb to my obsessions (her/us) and completely neglect myself, undo all the good work I've done the day before. She sees this as my seesaw emotions playing up again, unstable, judgemental, obsessive.
If I am completely honest with myself, what I need is closure, one way or another. Continuing my association with J is not giving me this. I love her but think we are fundamentally incompatible, because in one of the most crucial, basic ways (relationship format) we disagree. I'm Mono, I know it - if I wasn't, these feelings of jealousy, rejection, abandonment etc would not arise - as they don't for J. She is definitely poly, I think we've established that.
Can a mono man and a poly woman succeed together? I'm sure there are cases where it's been a roaring success. However I'm sure there are many cases with a trail of broken hearts as well. I fear my situation falls into the latter category. I'm trying all the time to accommodate, but at the same time feeling like I'm betraying myself. I can't do this.
I'm glad to hear your positivity (albeit blended with occasional negativity - which is understandable!) and that you visualise a future, for you (not dependent on another). It's vital we do this. If we depend on another, that makes us an addict.
I'm trying to do the same. Focus on things important to me. 2 steps forward 1 step back. But, progress, slow as it is, frustrating as it is, progress nevertheless. Boa sorte amigo