Just censored this blog for the first time. I'd written something rough to summarise something Carob told me about how he was feeling. Something like: "C and Ella a bit so-so. He said he's been resenting spending time with her. I suggested it's maybe because when he is really into what he's working on, he gets a bit single-minded."
At the time when I wrote this (in previous post) I wasn't quite sure if I should put it that way, given it's about C & Ella's relationship and pretty flippantly phrased. But I thought - I've got the basic gist of things across, don't want to spend ages rephrasing my personal blog. It's good enough, post it, move on.
Then recently Ella replied to my e-mail to her, linking to the aforementioned fanfic. I had told her it was written by a person whose blog I follow. So she asked for the link to the blog. Which, mm, would likely lead her to this blog. I could ask her please not to read my blog but (a) I'm not sure I want to request that restriction and (b) I can't be sure whether, for example if she's feeling confused/frustrated about something, she won't go ahead and read it anyway. Impulses happen, especially if you're upset. I kinda don't want to worry about those sorts of things.
This is typical of me. I don't often think things all the way through in advance, I can't seem to traverse the possibilities. I prefer to take baby steps and trust I can figure it out along the way.
So, I suppose the point is: do I want any of my lovers reading my blog? Not sure. Well. It's more like: I wouldn't want to tell them not to. I think I'd rather have an environment of trust, that they take whatever I've written with a pinch of salt... It's not necessarily well-edited, it might be poorly phrased... If something you read upsets or confuses you, please talk with me about it. This is a blog that's been helpful for me to unravel and chronicle my own thoughts & experiences re: relationships... I don't want to censor but I also don't want to hurt you. I love you. That's all