My wifeís first marriage was effectively ended 20 years ago when she had a relationship with her husbandís best friend. Her husband was physically and emotionally abusive. Her husbandís friend tried to rescue her. Her affair proved her husbandís worst fears and ultimately led to a divorce.
15 years ago, when I started dating my wife she told me about her affair. It was evident that she was madly in love with her ex-husbandís best friend. I had never heard a more intense, passionate love story.
5 years later, a week after we were married lo and behold her former lover showed up on our door step. I wish I could paint a picture of the two of them levitating, lost in love staring at each other. He wanted to know where my wifeís ex-husband lived. My wife offered to show him and with my permission off they went in his white, Camaro convertible.
My wife returned an hour later. She told me her bff wanted to hand deliver a letter of apology to her ex-husband. She was extremely embarrassed and told me she didnít know what came over her and felt extreme guilt about still being attracted to another man.
4 weeks later her lover died. He had come to our house to say his final goodbyes and request for forgiveness from my wife and her ex.
It was at that moment in our relationship that my wife and I realized we were not monogamous and we would never prevent each other from loving someone else.
We have righted many of the wrongs we both committed in our first marriages because of gross dishonesty to our spouses. We have an open marriage in the most positive sense. We share our thoughts and feelings about everything, especially about who we love.
Our rule is that if we canít reach an agreement on a major issue we go to our therapist and counselor to reach a compromise. This rule has served us well for the past 10 years.
I did intense research on the subject of open marriage. Coming from a strict Baptist background and a less than perfect childhood I was almost certain our acceptance of others in our lives was evidence of pathology.
Iíve come to the conclusion that the pathology is hiding the fact that we love and desire being loved in return from a variety of people.
For the past four years my wife has had a fantastic relationship with a man who she adores. He came along at a perfect time. Because he loves and cares for my wife he is one of my best friends.