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Old 06-17-2012, 08:05 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

Mya visited here, finally. It was really good to see her.

I do need to write about stuff, but it will be somewhat incoherent, sorry. All of us have much going on at the moment, and not all pleasant. Mya has written a bit about her stuff. In my end, Alec finally came to the decision that he cannot stay in the job he has. He has been so miserable, and I totally support him. Then again, our finances have been quite uncertain as it has been, so the consequences of him quitting cannot really be foreseen.

Basically, me and Mya had already had quite a few emotional conversations during her stay (important things to talk about but pretty heavy). Then I got the news from Alec, and I crossed into a slight panic about the future. Heavy talks follow with Alec. There was this one day in particular when I was needed for support by both of my partners, and by the afternoon I was feeling more exhausted than in a long time. I felt like I had no more to give. I needed some time for myself. I wanted to go to my own room and be alone, but there wasn't really space for that in our one bedroom apartment. So I made a plan to go for a walk after eating. That morphed into Alec taking a nap so that I would have that room for myself to read. I don't think it was much more than half an hour, but it helped me feel more grounded. After that Alec started gaming with a friend of his (which was good since he was able to talk with him for a bit). I went to hang out with Mya. I read a bit more, and then we talked but agreed to keep it light for the rest of the day, since I felt like I had no energy for more heavy talks. That was good.

So, not the happiest visit ever. I had looked forward to all the enjoyable connecting and hot sex and everything. Well, some of that happened, too, and was truly lovely. Yet, I felt somewhat disappointed about the fact that neither of us really had much energy for that. However, I do think that is how life is, and that is a part of being partners. And it's not like having heavy talks isn't connecting, too. It's probably due to having had such a long time since we last met, that I would have had more need for that, and it left me aching a bit. Oh well, maybe we'll both be in a better mental space next month when I go visit Mya and JJ.

One thing that I am happy about is the whole comfort I experienced with me and Mya and Alec. I'll try to explain that. There were a few days when none of us were feeling like we had a lot to give. We didn't hang out a lot in a group, and some meals were eaten in silence. Can't say any of us felt very happy. Yet, it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was just how things were. I feel there is something that shows - I don't know - intimacy, comfort, family when people can hang out together without trying to seem happier than they are actually feeling.
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