I can't speak to the kink aspect of this question.
I can say that many of us have the experience of dating someone poly-curious or transitioning to poly only to realize well into the connection that poly isn't right for them. This results in heartache (and sometimes drama).
I've recently had this experience (as detailed in my blog). It is hard. And, certainly hard to repeatedly and knowingly expose yourself to. Many poly folks are as a result very hesitant to date those who are exploring poly for the first time. It is heart protection. It is not about you as an individual.
I'm still a bit torn about this. I've had the experience - twice already - in a relationship ending hard because of a reversion back to monogamy. At the same time, someone had to take a chance on me as I explored poly. And, I appreciate her greatly for that. I guess I'm likely to continue to give compelling newbies the benefit of the doubt.
It puts my heart at risk. But, I guess that for me that's just part of living life fearlessly. I'm doing my best to do just that.
Male, Straight, Poly
“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”