Originally Posted by dragonflysky
I think your friend may need to work on some self-healing BEFORE getting involved in any type of male-female relationship again.
One doesn't typically go to a friend for "therapy" of most any kind.
I may have overblown the "therapeutic" aspect of their relationship. More than anything, it's been friendship, support, and literal protection... and then the sexual attraction developed.
But I couldn't agree more that she needs to deal with her trauma before getting into a relationship. However, she's always been one of those people who poopoos therapy and just pretends her problems don't exist, hoping they'll go away. It's been painful watching her go through things, knowing that there are ways she could handle it so that she would heal. But at the end of the day, you have to accept that your friends are going to do what they're going to do, and you can't nag them into making the "right" choices.
My girlfriend came over to support me last night, and she prompted me to get to the bottom of my gut feeling. Not so that I could overcome it, but so that I could understand it. We talked a lot about it, and it became clear that the biggest thing that bothered me was the fact that both my husband and best friend were so adamant that there was no way feelings could develop between them if they had sex. I just think that's naive. Since they both refused to admit (to themselves) that it was at least a remote possibility, they certainly had no plan in place to deal with it if that happened.