Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
Part of me agrees that while she's in a fragile state, this may not be the best move for her... but part of me also says that she's a grown-up and should be allowed to make her own mistakes.
In other words, what right do I have to make those decisions for her? If this is a bad move on her part, it's her bad move to make. I truly don't think she would ever turn around and blame him if it ended up messing with her head or something. It's not like he's taking advantage of her, she wants this probably more than he does.
I think it's basically that I don't want us to get caught in any kind of turmoil. My husband has an excellent sense of where people are at psychologically, so if he thinks it would be fine then it probably would be... but I keep bringing up things to which he responds "hmm, I didn't think of that" so I'm not sure he's thought through all the possibilities...
I think this is you having the right to make the decision for YOU. It doesn't just affect her, your husband, or her healing process. It affects all three of you and her healing process. Sure, having a safe FWB situation may be just what she needs right now, but that doesn't mean it has to be with your husband that could cause lasting change in the dynamic between you and her, her and him, and all three of you (I'm guessing it probably wouldn't change much between you and him unless it changes YOUR view on HIS sex with others).
Personally, I tend to trust my gut when it comes to sexual situations. When I feel like something bad could happen, I avoid it to avoid whatever negative consequence I foresee happening. I would rather miss out on a little bit of sexual gratification than deal with the potential loss of a good relationship with a friend.