Wow! I already feel better from the support here!
This is super helpful!
I also believe that talking is super important. It sounds like you had a rough time, but I admire you for your efforts. You and I are in similar boats. I hope we both can overcome our insecurities and jealousies. *Crosses fingers* I don't feel as though recently I've been getting what I need. Yet, these past four weeks were very brief and ridden with visits from family, trips to festivals, and filled with no alone time between him and me. I will definitely try to define what it is I need from him.
In regards to him showing affection around his boyfriend, he is very affectionate towards me. Yet he has told me that he is putting more attention on me (since I'm the one most likely to walk away). Still, even the affection I get is not what I want. I need to have romantic alone time with him.
We did settle on a new system of time-splitting. He only has three days off a week, and he has a nocturnal schedule because of his job. So we've split the 72 hours of his week between his boyfriend and myself. Today I'm moping around because it is their day. Tomorrow is just him and myself. Then Sunday is the both of us. It's a bit weird for me, but I hope it helps give us romantic time.
I think defining why I'm jealous is a great idea. I think I'd need to write or talk it out. Maybe I am hardwired for monogamy, but I'd rather fight until the bitter end. It may suck...
Back to Mahogany,
I guess I'm afraid he doesn't love me or that he doesn't care.
What do you guys think of the time-splitting idea? Helpful or hindering? Right now I'm trying not to think about that I've texted him this morning and that he's ignoring me to be with his boyfriend. Grrr...
I appreciate the help! Thank you!!