Well, I went through something very similar....and I am currently a mono with a poly who has been given the ok to find a girlfriend.
I, in a turn of events, found myself plunged into a non-monogamous marriage. My husband being poly. I believe I am more of a mono myself.
Husband maintained a girlfriend, without my knowledge for 6 months, then decided to open up and be honest with me about it. Make a long short, she became a part of OUR everyday lives. Her and I bonded and became friends, we had threesomes, and the 3 of us had nights out together, etc. After two months it ended, I couldn't do it...I was so miserable because of the jealousy.
You see he decided that thing would go at MY pace, that any boundary I state is GOING to be accepted. So he and his girlfriend went from privacy (sex and all) to no privacy and essentially very little time together without me. It drove me crazy when he and her were together without me. She was fine with things for the most part, I pulled the plunge. It ended just a year and a few months ago.
I decided that I would talk to my husband again a year later, since I know he is poly naturally, and I want a partner for life, a lover, not a prisoner....if that makes sense. i am very organic by nature, and it is important to me that I love him WHOLELY for who HE is....not for what he conforms to be on my account. How can he be genuinely happy and at his best emotionally, spiritually, mentally if he is suppressed??? I believe he can't.
I admire us for accepting poly, because we are not harnessed by stigmas, and we allow our lover to blossom.
With that all said, I know it is not easy because of our societal guidelines and practices preach strongly against this sort of thing....ask yourself "would you have as much of a problem if you were raised in culture were poly was accepted and/or even expected??? I believe I would because jealous is a strong emotion, but I do also believe that my up bringing is part of my battle as well.
I am hoping that the jealousy and insecurity fade with time....I do know that talking is very improtant too. Finding out what you need and make sure he knows what you need. i have read that when you are getting what you need, there is less likely and chance for you to be unhappy.
Last edited by Mahogany; 06-15-2012 at 09:56 PM.