Thanks for the welcome Dingedheart...
You are right I was miserable then...extremely miserable (WITH happy moments mixed in). It was SO MUCH learning that my husband had built a sexual/intimate relationship with another woman, S, behind my back and I had NO IDEA. We had married with vows of monogamy. So my mind set was just that...MONOGAMY. I felt SO betrayed, so hurt, shocked (scared that S would pry my husband from me)….all those insecurities, jealousy issue, hit me at once…and I had never really heard of Polyamory back then.
My husband wanted me to know like S did, he stated that there were times he almost told me but was afraid he'd lose me....he wasn't happy hiding it. When he learned about poly, he decided to let me know. You see he never really got caught, I had thought something was going, but it was just a thought...he chose to tell me one day.
My husband admitted immediately that S was brought into the whole thing the wrong way. How could we build something positive when the foundation was so negatively built. I hated her for knowing I was at home struggling to keep our family and she had him. I hated him for that too. She was married at the time and her ultimate goal was to have him for herself....part of the reason she divorced her husband was in hopes to start anew with mine. It was ONLY after he made it clear that he was not leaving me that she decided she'd rather share than lose him.
I also had just given birth to my twin boys, so I was not at my best emotionally, phyiscally, mentally, etc. So was spiteful because he was absent from home when I needed him the most, when his twin boys needed him too. Having twins is very challenging and difficult, especially when you are caring for them alone.
I don't know what I am, I DO KNOW monogamy is NOT a problem for me. That said, there were positive times within those two months.
The aspects I enjoyed:
(1) it seemed to greatly boost our sexual/spiritual/emotional connection. We were more intimate and connected, he was even more attentive towards me and happy.
(2) having another woman around made me more in tune with myself as a woman, I began to focus on myself and what I needed from him as a woman and how to stay healthy, feminine, nurturing, ect.
(3) I enjoyed the threesomes, he did a great job of pleasing both of us....and was very caring and loving and selfless.
(4) this seems kind of odd (to me even), but the thought of him sexing with another woman is a turnon for me (I could see myself advancing to even watching as I grow more comfortable with things).
(5) Lastly, the open honesty....many relationships don't get to a place were poly relationship do when it comes to acceptance and honesty.
So here we are again, this time our foundation will hopefully be stronger. I am NOT agreeing to a three-way relationship…but I somehow seem at ease with him having a sexual relationship/friendship with another woman. What are your thoughts?
Last edited by Mahogany; 06-15-2012 at 08:09 PM.