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Old 06-15-2012, 06:44 PM
funeral0p0lis funeral0p0lis is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Portland, OR, USA
Posts: 5
Default Growing pains and a wee bit O confusion

I'll try not to make this a novel:

Hubby and I just recently (within the last 6 months) added polyamory to our list of reasons we are a super awesome couple. There have been ups and downs in working out the emotional kinks associated, but we are good at talking through stuff and being honest with each other even when doing so sucks/ is scary.

I feel like this has strengthened our marriage, and that's saying something since we were already in a really good secure place. However, as per the subject line, there are still some issues that I feel uncertain about and I wanted to get some input. The situation is as follows:

He has been seeing someone that both of us know, so far it hasn't gone further than making out. I really REALLY like her; she's pretty similar to me (I'll admit that is good for my ego) but she and I also get along really well and the two times that the three of us have all hung out in a non-romantic context, it felt like a natural fit: We like each other and have a lot in common besides both of us caring for my husband. I came home from drinking at the bar with them last night feeling really happy. So what's the problem? Well, the fact remains that when he goes off to have alone time with her, I still feel nervous. I feel like this is irrational given how comfortable I feel with her, but there it is.

Additionally, I have someone whom I feel strongly about and the feeling is mutual but for a couple reasons that I won't go into, the relationship hasn't progressed to romantic involvement yet and probably won't for some time. Meanwhile, his relationship with her is heating up, and I'm starting to feel a little envious because I don't have that yet. Of course the logical part of me points out to myself that rushing my burgeoning relationship with my dude just because of Hubby's progress with her is stupid, but I find myself imagining it often anyhow.

I guess I just envision there coming a point when he asks me if he can take their relationship to the next level (ie sexual activities) and I will feel simultaneously uncomfortable with saying yes and opening myself up to nights alone, and also uncomfortable stymieing the natural progression of their involvement; I'm not out to complicate things between them if I can help it.

So what do you y'all think? Is there something I'm missing, or do I just need to wait these feelings out? Any advice or opinions are welcome.
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