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Old 06-15-2012, 06:29 PM
FigNewtonian FigNewtonian is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 24

Originally Posted by Autumn View Post
I wonder if you see one as being primary ( is that language helpful?)
The "primary/secondary" discussion is one we've had several times.

My long-standing ties are to my wife. Long marriage most of our adult lives and a shared child. I have economic responsibilities both to her and the child both now and after the divorce. In respects to "responsibilities" I would say that she's primary.

My strongest romantic and associated ties are to Babs. There is a possibility of marriage and shared space/life with her. In respect to "future" I would say that she's primary.

Wife's view is that Babs is sharing me with her not the other way around. So in her view, romantically, Babs is and should be primary.

Originally Posted by Autumn View Post
if FN still sexually desires his wife or if that has changed
No changes. I've wanted her as much as I ever have I just understand what that means and what she wants from that.

Originally Posted by Autumn View Post
(I am assuming some shared feelings from years of being unwanted) has FN revisited any issues of grief and loss seeing things be so different
I struggled with feeling "unwanted" for years but I've come to a new sense of clarity there. She wanted me in the way that she could. She didn't skimp, hold back she gave me all that she had. How can you feel deprived when someone gives you everything they are?

Yes, I do get emotional over the idea of divorce. Change is hard. Nobody wants to think they end up a statistic particularly for something that is beyond their control. We both know it's for the best for each other, for the kid, for our relationship.

Originally Posted by Autumn View Post
what do you plan to tell our son & family, and practical things like Christmas and holidays.
The vast majority of the people will see a standard divorce we drifted apart has been the boilerplate we've offered. They will see us being very close friends nothing more. Very, very, very few people know what's really going on.

Holidays are an interesting question. Being a child of divorce I'm accustomed to split holidays and alternating years. The mechanics of that are kind of muddy right now, but we have time.
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