Phone sex = sex! (the brain is the biggest erogenous zone, after all)
Long distance domming = domming! (what the hell else would you call it???)
He has seriously broken his agreements here, and it's hard to believe that he doesn't see that, at least on some level.
Eric and Gia went through a similar thing in their first poly relationship. Gia asked for a hold on sex between Eric and their gf. Eric took this to mean anything short of PIV was ok, which he had every reason to know was not what she meant. Later, in another situation where she asked for no bdsm play, he somehow managed to convince himself that consensually choking a sexual partner was within the bounds of their agreement.
He had to admit that he had a problem, with selfishness, self-control, and with not behaving with empathy and respect towards his partner in the face of his desires. He's since done a lot of work and, now that he's regained her trust (which took a *while*), she's comfortable with him having sex with and topping others, as long as there's perfectly clear communication. Their relationship as a whole is actually much stronger.
It sounds to me like your husband had some similar work and growing to do.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.