I have very few boundries/guidelinese I have requested of my husband on our poly journey. I think they are pretty reasonable.
1. No dating/sex/etc with folks from our book club (it accounts for 90% of our socialization and I am afraid of drama)
2. Not to Top/Dom anyone else (conversely I don't submit/bottom to anyone else)
3. To communicate before we start something with someone new and keep each other in the loop
4. Safe sex practices
In March, we had a situation in which he asked my permission to violate the "no book club people" request. I grudgingly gave permission because I didn't feel like I had a right to say no. It went badly. They ended up not getting together, and it caused the drama I expected.
I found out last night that the women from book club he has said he is "good friends with" and "we flirt sometimes".... he has a WAY different definiton of "flirting" than I do.
For him, apparently, he has decided anything that isn't physical is flirting.
This includes, sexting, cybering on the computer, phone sex.
This includes long distance D/s and BDSM interactions where he is someone's long distance dom.
This includes not telling me he is even interested in these women - "we're just good friends, we aren't dating".
I feel hurt, betrayed, angry. I also feel like maybe I'm just really unfair in my expectations. But he agreed to honor my boundries so I feel that if he agreed, he should have adhered. I don't know what to think or feel. I don't know what to do.
I'm openly soliciting comments on this one - is that all "flirting"? Am I truly so old fashioned on how I define things? Am I completely unreasonable?
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.