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Old 06-15-2012, 03:33 AM
Mudita Mudita is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 27

Hi goodnightmoon.
I'm not poly so I've been trying to keep my mouth shut around here and let those with the experience do the talking.

Your post rang a few warning bells for me though, mono, poly or otherwise.
Originally Posted by goodnightmoon View Post
And a few days after that, my fiancÚ, C, brought the idea of an "open marriage" to my attention.
At a minimum he's been less than frank with you at the time of the engagement. At worst, he has in sales parlance, 'locked you in' emotionally and then pulled a bait and switch, which would be a very manipulative and self-serving act.

Originally Posted by goodnightmoon View Post
what would come of them when he came back home
Makes me wonder what was 'of' them prior to this. Again I'd suggest he may have been less than fully frank with you.

It sounds like you are a very accommodating & considerate person by nature and this is a good thing. It can lead to being taken advantage of though if you don't demand the same thing of others.

Flip it around: would you be comfortable getting engaged with someone and then telling them a couple of days later that you wanted an open relationship of some sort?

If a friend came to you and told you this story what would you advise them?

Would you have got engaged if he had told you at the point where you both agreed to get engaged , "I'd love to marry you however there is something I feel I need to tell you first..."

Don't lose yourself so totally in this guy you forget who you are and what you want.

It may well be you decide poly is really what you want. If so, a common theme here on the forums, is a need for honesty and communication. He needed to be honest with you _before_ you agreed to get engaged and had told all your friends and family. If this is going to work, you will need him to be committed to being honest with you, and not just after the event.
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