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Old 06-14-2012, 09:54 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
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Originally Posted by Gecko View Post
My question is for the people who fell for the mono married people....especially if you were single, or already an experienced poly.

The causes and flaws of monogamy seem to be used often when people describe how they ended up in a poly relationship and I can see how a married person would identify with these things when falling for an outsider.
But what if you are poly and meet someone who is mono married. Do your personal beliefs about relationships lessen your perceived impact on pursuing your way into their lives?
Did that falling-for-taken-people a few times. Actually, realizing that I didn't want them to leave their partners was how I began to understand the difference between a poly mindset and a mono one. (Exception: the abusive partner to a very nice man. Everyone they knew wanted her gone.)

I had to learn that yes, it's wrong to disrupt a relationship that is monogamous/closed by choice. And in the one case where he divorced his wife, he revealed a lot about himself that gradually turned me off him. He was suddenly available... and not worth the trouble.

That's hard. But I learned. And I haven't made that mistake since. Unavailable is off-limits. Too much heartache if I think any other way.
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

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