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Old 06-13-2012, 07:57 PM
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Re (from corey, Post #15):
Quote:
"Re (from kdt26417, Post #14):
Quote:
'Perhaps put out some kind of a feeler? such as, "I really need you to inform your dates about me. Otherwise I feel like we're not being honest."'
I did that, her reaction was that 'she makes sure it's nothing more than friends.'"
So, by that, does she mean that you're her only romantic relationship; that all her other relationships are platonic? If that's true, then I guess it's not so bad if she doesn't tell these friends about you ... a little disconcerting perhaps, but not *as* bad.

Re (from corey, Post #15):
Quote:
"She explains that if she tells them she is in a serious relationship it would make things awkward."
Well, a little awkwardness seems (to me) a reasonable price to pay for being honest ...

But now the big questions:
  • What, if anything, is she willing to compromise on?
  • If she's not willing to compromise at all, can you live with that?
I get the impression she's presenting you with a "take it or leave it" situation. She's willing to explain why she does what she does (and maybe that makes it easier for you to live with it), but she's not willing to actually budge in her course or heading.

I guess my advice is, get 100% confirmation on what she is or isn't willing to budge on, hear her out on her explanations, and then ask yourself if you can live with what she's presenting to you. If you can't, you may have some tough decisions to make.

One thing that would concern me is if she wasn't willing to communicate with you about these things. These things call for communication. Even if she feels put out by communicating, I'd hope she'd grit her teeth and give it a chance. Like you said (in Post #7), you need her to be patient with repetitiveness as you have "re-hashes" of the same topics.

It concerns me that she's not okay with you getting any outside input about your situation (such as here on Polyamory.com). When someone doesn't want their partner to "talk to anyone else about it," it's often because that someone wants to control all the information.

You're not wrong to seek outside counsel. You can come to your own conclusions about which of that outside counsel you want to adopt into practice.
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