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Old 06-13-2012, 12:32 PM
greenchild90 greenchild90 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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I think it's immature of him especially (not her so much since you're friends) to be complaining about their dynamic. I don't know if he's venting just to vent, or venting in order to seek advice, but if it's the first one it's bad and it's going to undermine your relationship with your friend. I rarely would find it appropriate to vent about my partners to each other, and I wouldn't let them vent to me more than once about a particular issue.
Well, see the gray area here for me & him is that while we might be/have been lovers, we were also friends, so I always had an open ear for him whenever he was upset. I still keep an open mind, & try to think about her side of the story, how she might be feeling - in other words, we don't sit on the phone and bash her back & forth, though we might share similar frustrations about her personality; we still love her and try to give her a fair shake in the situation.

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He doesn't really sound ready for a serious relationship in general, let alone poly.
That may very well be true, & it may be a voluntary decision. He told me that in the beginning when he met her, she had expressed interest in a more casual relationship, and he was fine with that, but then her actions contradicted her words and she was treating the relationship like a serious one.

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If he finds it easier to "cheat" with you, he might find it easier to cheat on you instead of being forthright about what he wants to do with other relationships.
I trust him to be 100% honest with me because he knows that I will not judge him, that I will listen with an open ear, & that I will think about what he says logically before jumping to conclusions. I've made this clear to him, so he knows he has no reason to hide anything from me, and vice versa. If we were to have a relationship, I would be ok with him seeing other people as long as he talked to me about it first. I'd find it difficult to "cheat" in a situation like that...
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