Poly group meet-up yesterday was cool. Interesting, diverse bunch as usual and I was really happy to have Sago there with me. His first time at a local poly thing here (my third) and he seemed to like it. The discussion was more political than usual, some debate over the same-sex marriage lobby and how that relates to poly, whether it's problematic that the argument is often advanced in a way that appeals to mainstream (i.e. we're the good, monogamous kind of gay), whether people feel like poly-activism directly (banner waving) or just simply living out their lives, whether in fact it's more important to keep a low profile legally rather than draw attention to poly (i.e. keep the law off your back, esp with family law matters).
First half is whole group discussion and then you break into small groups for more personal questions. I raised a thought I've been having recently - how I relate to Ella. I like her, I care about her, loved our sex, conversation... Yeah this is a relationship I'm glad I'm in and it would be cool to get to know her more.
But but but I still think of her as Carob's girlfriend primarily. He's still figuring out how he feels about her, and they're finding their feet together. I don't really want to get in the way of that, in particular making things messy if I'm into it and Carob isn't. I'd rather leave space enough for them to go either way.
This means an uncharacteristic kind of caution for me, and I have wondered if I'm doing right by Ella, simply picking the safer path. Whether I should dive in and - fuck it - see how it goes. However, I feel there's a possible train wreckage that way. I'd like to be able to care for her no matter what happens between her and Carob. And likewise care for Carob. This requires a bit of distance...
Luckily, I got oodles of physical distance
I've been keeping things low-key with Ella, regulating my emotions, taking it easy... It's felt right. Guess risky is not always the smart option.
Someone else in my small group shared a similar experience, where she'd gone all in. Apparently train wreck did ensue, badness between the guy and the other girl, she and he stayed together and the third person broke up with both of them. Not that break ups are always a failure but I'd rather give relationships the best chance possible to grow into what they could be, I mean, that's the point of seeding them in the first place ne?
Next post I'm gonna have to deal to some of those stories in that over-the-top chart I made