I was going to start a new thread, but my thoughts fit nicely into this one.
It ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
Yep, I'm starting to agree.
Although swinging is all I really knew before coming to polyamory, (never did do it, but it intrigued me for a while), it isn't at all what I want.
I'm feeling a bit frustrated with the dynamics between my lover 'D' and her girlfriend. They have 3-somes mostly with men and each have lovers on the side. But, their romantic relationship is with each other. They just have sex with the others as far as I can tell.
Since beginning evaluate what it is I want for myself, I am liking this scenario less and less.
I am 'D's lover, as far as she's concerned. I don't feel unwanted, unloved or anything, but my feelings for her are stronger than hers for me. It bothers me to watch the two of them argue over unmet needs with each other. There are some wonderful things between them. Some of their needs are met together. Some other major ones aren't. I watch them and wonder why they couldn't accept the limitations of their relationship and love other people as well? Why only sex with others?