Welcome to the forum!
The journey to poly can be a bumpy one, for sure. Lots of self-discovery, of opening doors that you previously thought were closed. Societal conditioning can have a massive impact as well, along with the "what if people found out" issue.
But it sounds like you are being open with each other, and communicating as your needs evolve. And that's great!
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb