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Old 06-12-2012, 07:05 PM
FigNewtonian FigNewtonian is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
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I'd agree with Babs. (Oh, that nickname is soooo going to stick IRL). It's going fairly well, but it's early days.

I guess what I'd add — and I've said it a few times — is that none of us are poly people in the sense that it's used on this forum. We're all mono people in a poly situation driven by a unique set of circumstances.

If you're the "hinge" then be prepared for work. And yes, that can come across as melodramatic, pretentious and self-important, particularly when outsiders are going to think that you're cake eating. But it really does take some balancing.

I try to keep open lines of communication with both women at all times. You'll find some people on here who don't advise communicating with one side of the V when you're with the other. I don't do that. No matter where I am I make the effort to let them both know I love them, wish them good night and a good morning.

I constantly stop, evaluate, consider and make sure that decisions I'm making are not designed to diminish others to the benefit of myself. It requires a rigorous and often uncomfortable level of self-awareness, but I think it's a necessity — particularly if you're prone to/good at manipulating people. It's the same kind of situation that Babs is talking about when she talks about not wanting to exert undue influence.

The dynamic with the Ace side of the V is comfortable, for the most part. She's getting the domestic comforts and closeness that she craves. I enjoy that and also get the comfort of knowing that I didn't abandon her just because she's "different."

Most of the time it just involves us laying in bed, talking about the world, whatever book she's reading, what craft project is on the horizon. She'll snuggle close and then she'll go to sleep.

It's not much different than what it was when we were married and living together — except there's not an expectation that something would or should happen sexually.

It's definitely helped that the two women get along so well — but that's not a dynamic that everyone may be comfortable with in every situation. I'm glad in mine they are, though.
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