Hello Poly Peeps,
My fiance, Anders, and I are new to polyamory. Around a year and a half ago I started us down the BDSM pathway. It went something like this...out for breakfast at a popular cafe...sitting at the counter...each of us reading a section of the Sunday paper...
me: I think we should buy handcuffs.
him: drops paper/big grin/bright eyes
Relationship meter went from mediocre to awesome. (Not without a lot of barriers coming down and some painful opening up, but we've resurrected our 13 year old relationship and made it better than ever.)
Initially when we started down the kink path Anders wasn't too keen on anyone other than himself playing with me, but with discussion and time he became more open to that idea with select individuals. By New Years 2012 he gave me carte blanche to play with females. Yippee! "Thank you, thank you, thank you...except you do realize that I identify as heterosexual, right?"
In January, via a kinky friend (K) and one of her bf's (R), the poly seed was planted.
Ah, I need to clarify...it was planted in my head only, as Anders wasn't there for the discussion. And like the curious cat that I am, I got busy researching polyamory and open relationships.
Meanwhile a close friend in our kink community suggested a four-way. Anders was 100% in. Whoa. I guess he got past his sharing hang up!
After hot-sex-with-multiple-people-day I worked up my courage to broach the subject of opening up our relationship.
me: I'd like to discuss the idea of consensual non-monogamy. It's something I think I'd like to do.
Anders: If that's how you feel, then we should probably cancel our wedding.
<lots of back pedaling on my behalf>
In March R had a party and invited us. One of R's girlfriends (A) later told R that they should have hooked up with us. R told me, I told Anders and a date in April was set.
Following our second multi-person-hotness event, Anders' ideas about polyamory started shifting. (As did my ideas about girls.)
He's since spent some time visiting A in her city which is several hours away from where we live. He's had his heart twisted a time or two as she's not really sure she wants to start something up or if poly is her thing. (R was her only guy.) They've had some really good conversations on the phone. And he has another overnighter planned for this month.
I have multiple of opportunities - I just need to bite the bullet and make some plans to meet people. I wonder if I'll remember how to flirt after so many years with one man.
We're at a fun, scary, very unsure point in all of this.