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Old 06-12-2012, 02:10 AM
blytheandbonny's Avatar
blytheandbonny blytheandbonny is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 22

Hello Autumn!

I'd say it's still in the early days -we're about 5-6 weeks in from realizing we were looking at a poly thing, I think? When I posted this thread, we were less than a week in.

Not sure a lot has changed. To date, we're all very conscious of each other's comfort and there's a lot of checking in that happens. FN's not big on letting things fester in silence, so whenever there's an issue, it's dealt with immediately.

I think FN is going to chime in, and he can update how things are on that side of the V, which I suspect will the be part that interests you the most if I understand your story well enough from your earlier postings. If you read from the beginning, I'm not terribly comfortable paraphrasing what I understand others to feel/think.

As predicted, I've needed an annoying amount of reassurances. Well, he's not indicated it's annoying, but I feel like it would be to me if our positions were reversed. :-)

I remain wary of saying or doing anything that comes off as trying to influence what they have going on (which doesn't mean I succeed all the time) b/c I want them to figure out their stuff independent of me or my role. Which, as a mono, is sort of challenging. I'm really trying to see things through a poly lens though, and my respect and admiration for how FN cares for his wife is tremendous.

They have a regular arrangement now where he spends the night with her 1-2/x week. First couple of times it was really uncomfortable for me. Then it relaxed quite a bit, and now I'm almost totally zen. I was 100% zen this week.

I really dig her, and I feel confident in my own relationship with him. We've had some issues on my side with non-poly stuff that have been more challenging to us than the poly stuff has been.

So, that's the update from my side so far. Now to find out if I am in a totally different universe. Fig, what say you?
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