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Old 06-11-2012, 09:23 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by LotusesandRoses View Post
Growing up queer is a lot different from being poly. I can choose how many people I sleep with or am involved with at any time. I can't choose who I'm attracted to.
Be careful with this statement. First of all, many people on this forum are not hetero and had to deal with growing up with that knowledge, as well as with the idea of being poly. Second, and on a larger scale, "You can choose who you have sex with" is one of the HUGE anti-LGBTQ arguments. There are those who say, "Fine, be attracted to someone of the same sex, just don't act on it. You might be gay but you can choose not to ACT gay." Do you really want to be told to live your life that way? I sure don't, anymore than I want someone telling me, "You could choose to just be with your husband, if you really loved him." It's insulting, because I DO really love my husband, AND I love TGIB. Yes, I could choose to act mono, just like I could choose to act straight, but I'd be miserable in either case.

As far as the OP goes, I understand being hurt. If someone I cared about who I thought knew me, respected me, and cared about me too told me what I was doing was wrong, I'd be hurt. Hopefully she'll be able get to a headspace where she can say, "It'd be wrong for me, but if it works for you and it's not hurting your partners, then it's not for me to judge." That's my "best-case scenario" when I come out to people I'm close to about poly. I don't expect agreement or even support, I just ask for the ability to be honest with them about who I am without being judged.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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