Originally Posted by GreenMom
I guess I don't understand why the "kids, we're poly" topic had to come up at all. But then, my kids are only 2 & 4. I just don't see how the fact I'm poly, or bi, or anything else pertaining to my romantic and sexual life is any of my kids business.
The thing is kids, especially teenagers, are often very perceptive and might well notice if you act differently around certain people... which it could be hard not to if strong feelings have developed. If they notice something but have no info, they would probably assume you're cheating, which could send them into just the sort of tailspin described here. So, generally I'd advocate honesty with kids once things have gotten to a certain level of seriousness, assuming that what's at issue is a serious partner who's very involved in your life (for casual sexual friends and/or LDRs there's really no reason to mention anything). Unfortunately, it seems to have gone over really poorly in this case... maybe it was too soon, maybe they're reacting to other stressors, hard to say.
I think only time will really heal this. As time passes they'll be able to see that your marriage is still strong and their lives weren't going to blow up. But yeah, in the meantime staying on the DL is almost certainly best. Family therapy with a poly-friendly counselor might help if they stay so distressed?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.