Originally Posted by CautiousLoops
My partner of 6 years has a history of lying to me. He was raised to believe that any way you could get out of conflict, get out. That included lying. He has admitted to me that he has lied most his life. Not all the time big things, sometimes little things - but lying nonetheless. Vicious cycle.
That being said, it takes two to make this work. He has to be willing to calm you and make sure you know what is going on.
I know what you are going through. Its real tough. It takes a strong person to remain in a relationship where trust has been shattered numerous times. However, you are still in it & if you work at it you will reach that point where you say "OK, were in a good place. I feel secure - Im letting this argument go and moving on". (snip)... Good luck.
I think this is a lot of our issue - I was shocked when I met his father who is a wonderful, thoughtful and interesting man who is at the point of believing all the lies about his life. It showed me some of the modeling he had as a child.
His marriage was built on that premise of keeping things "happy" by not being honest. So we are both working on things and thank you for reminding me that it takes strength on my side to be where I am too. I love him dearly.
The main thing that I needed to understand was that he wasn't lying to get away from me (which is what my ex did) but lying because he wanted to be with me and was afraid of what it may mean.
I continue to practice patience, understanding but not closing my eyes to something that is questionable.