NovemberRain, I may just take your advice here! WhatHappened, husband just doesn't want to lose friends and is always inclined to make allowances and excuses for anyone he is fond of.
Anneintherain and km34, I have generally avoided discussing the ex and the metamour with my friend since she told me in no uncertain terms that she planned to be like "Switzerland" and not take sides. I have definitely told her, not so long ago, that being around them makes me pretty uncomfortable. I also remember a conversation where I complained about some mutual acquaintances being suddenly unfriendly to me after the breakup and asked her if ex and metamour were somehow trying to ruin my reputation with them and others. Friend said she knew nothing about this.
The event I have seen ex and metamour at is a large, twice-yearly event, where it is fairly easy to avoid being in the same room with them 99 percent of the time. The gathering in question this time takes place monthly in a two-bedroom apartment, where there is pretty much one small space that we sit in. It also has a slight New Age-y focus, including a ritual where we join hands in a circle. It's mostly an all-women's event, it would most likely be just my former metamour there, not my ex, which is something, but she disturbs me far, far more than he does.
I would say that my friend has no reason to believe my discomfort with ex and former metamour has lessened. Why would it? Nothing has changed about the situation.
I don't feel like I can talk to her right now. I am too hurt over this. I do know my husband wrote to her and asked her just what the heck she thought she was doing here. We are awaiting her response.
I HAVE spoken to the hostesses of the gathering and told them that I do not feel safe at a small-space event with former metamour. They are supposedly thinking over the situation. I do not know them well at all, I am new to the group, so I don't expect them to necessarily do what I want. I know they want this event to be very inclusive, especially because part of its purpose is providing networking opportunities for one of the hostesses, who runs some sort of personal coaching business.
Last edited by persephone; 06-11-2012 at 11:48 AM.