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Old 06-10-2012, 03:55 PM
butterflywaterfall butterflywaterfall is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Vermont
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Hi all. I am new to this site and have been doing a bit of reading when I get the chance! I am 34 and straight. I have a boyfriend, 57, who travels a lot and encouraged me to find another sex partner/partners while he is away. He asked for full disclosure of this because he's been cheated on in the past and thought this might be the best way to prevent that. He has also been involved in a number of threesomes and wanted me to find someone to join us since I've expressed interest.
I had a couple of encounters with friends and they were ok. I enjoyed the sex but was left feeling rather empty inside. The more my bf, whom I will refer to as W, talked about it, the more I knew I couldn't do things like that. I can't just have sex with someone with no feelings getting involved. The friends I was with were fine but were married and I didn't feel comfortable with the 'other woman' aspect of it. W knew what was going on but these men definitely didn't tell their wives. Now, as a bit of history, I was married before and ended up having an affair. The man I was with was married and we were together off and on for three years. His wife eventually found out and she wanted him still so he left me. What I learned from that process is that I never want to be in a situation like that again where I am causing such pain to another person. I don't ever want to cheat on W and I don't want anyone to cheat on their sig other with me.
So after realizing I couldn't handle that empty feeling, I started researching polyamory. If I am going to have some sort of sexual relationship with another man, it's got to be more than just sex. In the midst of my research an old friend chatted me up online. He was the first person I'd ever heard talk about being poly so it was rather fortuitous. I chatted with him for a couple of days, telling W about the discussions. He supported me going over to see this friend. The sex was amazing. He was amazing. He was gentle and patient and very sweet with me. He has a gf who has full knowledge of me. And after two encounters we both realized we were developing feelings for one another. It didn't change how I feel about W, though and I want him to be my partner in life. W is not sure how he feels about my falling for this other man but he wants to be supportive. He did delay our impending marriage since thoughts and feelings have changed and he still has another year of back and forth overseas to do. He's afraid of being replaced. I love him with all my heart and am not interested in finding a replacement.
This is very difficult to navigate and I am sure we will get through it all. I am looking for support right now and this site really seems to have it.
thanks for reading my rambling!
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