neo651....I think you're taking on quite the challenge for someone who has "very poor self-esteem". It got me to thinking about the initial email response I sent to the poly guy I met through an online site (not knowing he was poly initially...and not even knowing what polyamory was.) after he told me he was poly and what that meant for him:
I don't see a polyamorus marriage as something I would be evolved enough to seriously consider for myself. Whether it "should"
or "shouldn't"....I believe it would only feed my insecurities. And in feeding my insecurities it could only take from me and any others involved, not add to....or enhance...or contribute to a greater sense of wholeness. That would defeat its very purpose in my mind.
Now in reality, I did go on to do lots of reading and self-exploration because even though I have personal insecurities, I'm also a very loving person in general. We did eventually develop a poly relationship (He already had another partner when we met). Our relationship ultimately did not work out......And much of it was due to him "discovering" that he was very challenged to fit in two relationships, work, child-rearing, personal time, hobbies, etc. And I did...and was...willing to share time with him along with his other partner and family members and friends.