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Old 06-08-2012, 11:15 PM
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Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Tri-State
Posts: 275

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
That is what he keeps saying.... that he has experienced it.
Right. And from what you've mentioned here, he's also been caught off guard by the discovery of what has always seemed to be something he was incapable of. Everybody's unearthing things, and shifting. It never comes without discomfort and pain though.

Originally Posted by km34 View Post
I thought this and that maybe he is seeing your reaction from this whole situation he realizes how important he and your relationship are to you. Maybe other men aren't a threat anymore because it is obvious that despite (or because of depending on the perspective) the other people in your life, you cherish what you have with him.

I've never commented on your blog before, but it makes me sad how down on yourself you are getting, and like many others before I just want to say that I'm sure you two will work it out. People and perspectives change, and despite being adamant about how/who he is, maybe Mono isn't as mono as he thought.
Me too! I wish you would give yourself more credit Red. Sometimes we don't react in ways we assumed we would. Just gotta process and work through it and come out on the other side.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I'm trying to live in the moment today. No thought of what happened, or what could happen, just right here and right now. Its usually my poly coping strategy and I sometimes lose it and freak out when I think of what my life must look like, but today I am consciously pulling it together. Its been a week of uphevel and I am ready to balance my plates again.

Last night Mono came back from his coffee date on top of the world. It was hard to see, but I did feel some compersion and was pleased he was happy. He told me all that happened and details of what they talked about. He started his trek towards having integrity with me successfully because he seems to have behaved as he said he would and with the intentions he said he would have. I put no rules or boundaries on anything and he considered how I would feel the whole time and acted from that place of "if I do this will I be able to tell RP about it later." It was my suggestion and it seems to work for him.

I heard from my dating friend last night while Mono was gone. He asked if I would be his gf. I was startled as it came via text, so I suggested we talk on the phone. He agreed it wasn't the best timing I was flattered and honoured and yes, excited by the idea of having him in my life like that. We went over what that would mean to me as I don't subscribe to primary/secondary values and as he is new to poly and has a wife and child, I fear being put in that role again. Its not one I want or will accept again. I also let him know that he would need to meet all my loves, spend some time getting them used to that idea and that I am in no rush to take more on. Tomorrow our families meet at a local family fair and parade. It will be a start at least.
See?! You were very capable before the coffee date, and you still were afterwards. With all the upheaval I still see you guys making it, for sure. A huge change is not always a bad thing.
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