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Old 06-08-2012, 02:37 PM
neo651 neo651 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Do you feel firmly monogamous, or are you open to being poly yourself?
She's extremely frightened that this time around it will end like the last times, me ending it abruptly because I was too afraid to be with her. This is understandable. I also told her that the poly lifestyle scares the shit out of me, and that I can't guarantee that I can make this work. But I promised that if we didn't work, it wouldn't be because I ran away scared again, it would be because I tried my damnedest and found that there is just no way for me to make it work.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
You feel you are the perfect match it sounds like. You might find another perfect match if you are open to it and not courting a relationship that will leave you unhappy most of the time.
I do feel she and I are perfect match (more or less, I don't believe in actual "perfection"). And it is possible I could find another match just as good, but honestly, I don't see it happening. I have almost unreasonably high standards and more importantly (and I've never told her this because she'd slap me for how unhealthy it is) I have compared every single woman I've ever dated or been interested in to her. Inevitably, I always use her as the model to decide the worthiness of other women to me and they are always found wanting. It's a big, if not the biggest reason, why my other relationships have all failed. I've had no success in training myself to not do this. No matter how hard I try it always happens, these intrusive thoughts just creep in and I don't know how to shut them down.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Unless she is willing to move to be with you and you're willing to accept that she wants to spend time with other people romantically, I don't get the impression either of you are doing anybody any favors by pursuing this. Sorry, that's just my feeling on the situation.
I'm trying to view the situation as us just having several (gigantic) obstacles standing between us. But before we can decide if either of us are going to uproot our lives for the other we need to find out if the relationship is worth it. Before we can do that we need to find out if the relationship will even work. And to find that out I need to find out if I can handle being in a poly relationship. If we try and solve all the problems at once we'll be doomed before we started. If we take them one at a time we may have a chance.
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