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Old 06-08-2012, 07:21 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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Originally Posted by km34 View Post
My main concern is that you promised Genebean not to do anything relating to other relationships for a certain amount of time, so bringing this up before that time period is over could result in negative consequences in that relationship, too.
That, really that. Also, is it fine for you to flirt with people? Or are you two not clear on that? Hopefully it's fine for you to flirt before August as long as it's PG-13, everybody should be able to respectfully flirt.

What are you hoping to get out of starting something with this woman now? It's a slippery slope letting somebody know you're interested when you're not available yet, I might be off base but from all that you've posted I wonder if you might end up having a hot and heavy flirtation where you both wait begrudgingly for it to be August then get pissed off if genebean isn't jolly about it and use that as an excuse to break up or something.

Two months isn't a long time, but I'm guessing with the resentment that's been growing for you that it will be a big struggle for you to just pretend the attraction doesn't exist. I think you might want to talk to genebean about being attracted to this woman but not act on it one bit. Really if she can't see you're trying to respect her and be honest with her, and there hasn't been an update on how she is feeling (how IS she doing on processing and working through her issues while she's still free to date?) I really don't feel optimistic.

Her freaking out for an hour (ballerinas > me! you're going to leave! etc) and then calming down and dealing with the feelings & discussing what it meant would be the most extreme reaction I think I could handle from a partner at the point where one of you feels you need an open relationship. If it was a multi day issue or she wasn't coming to terms with things, I think I'd be feeling pretty nervous about my future with them but she is young, and relatively inexperienced in relationships so I think I might be tempted to give more leeway. (Not leeway in the August deadline and then it's = for both of you dating or the relationship probably just wont work out at this time in your life. And I mean dating but having working agreements about safe sex and all that, not a free for all)

Is GB identifying as poly now? Still dating the same person? Dating just to be stubborn because you want to date other people? Is she Happy? Have you sat down at some point when you're not plagued by some immediate relationship drama and asked if you think this relationship you're in is more good than bad for both of you at this point in your life?

Can you think of things to do to help genebean with her self esteem? Ballerinas might be skinny as fuck but they aren't some exotic race who are all prettier than mere mortals so it seems to be smacking of a general insecurity that's running rampant. Have you two read the book or taken the online quiz for the 5 love languages? Sometimes some knowledge about your partner as simple as that can help a hell of a lot with seemingly insurmountable problems.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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