Originally Posted by MeeraReed
One of them I even liked enough to spend most of the 3-day festival chatting with, and I asked him out for coffee the next week.
and there was no physical contact between us.
I`m sorry, I know your question is another, but I don`t see how spending 3 days with no physical contact and then going for coffee could be anything BUT awkward. Especially, in a drawn out date.
I`ve been on two awkward dates that I remember. The first one, I actually cut short. I told my date flat out, that I don`t enjoy dates, and that we had to go. Funny enough, we talk to this day, she likes me and respects me for that. But, we just get physically intimate at wildly different paces. And we did kiss.
In the last one, I think I came across as your guy. Probably. But I squared it off, that night. Sent her a text asking her if she was interested. She evaded the issue, saying she "doesn`t always go out with people for that." So...it looks like the awkwardness wasn`t entirely my fault, after all. We did not talk after that.
I think I`ve learned my lesson. First of all, I won`t date because that`s what "women want." Of course, I never enjoyed a single date in my life, but I felt that`s what I had to do in order to be intimate with a woman. So, these days I absolutely let my "dates" know that it`ll last 25-45 minutes tops. Central location, we pick up some tea, and then move on. Back when I was dating, I had a couple of successes with that formula. Of course, I began facing more awkwardness in bed with people I had just met. But, I kind of prefer that awkwardness to datesy awkwardness, if awkward it must be.
You come across as a little judgmental of someone who`s basically got similar personality traits (other than the incoherent language
) to yourself.
It makes me think you are trying to distance yourself from him, and perhaps you beat yourself up because you feel deep down you had a hand in it. Although, you write as if the awkwardness was a one-way street.
I`m going out with a poly girl next week. Part of me is panicky, part of me entirely comfortable with her. She`s even shier than me, but she did take the initiative to ask me out. I just hope she can also take physical initiative (or, respond to physical initiative) otherwise it`ll be the same as my second awkward date, in which touch becomes the elephant in the room. I`m extremely fast when it comes to physical intimacy, and I don`t think she`s quite as fast.
I have to remember that I can always communicate my desires without actually doing anything, and that the elephant in the room is under my control regardless of how she behaves.