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Old 06-07-2012, 04:26 AM
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LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Originally Posted by badger24 View Post
[...] she said she wants a more open relationship so she can be herself.
Being in an open relationship, or any type of relationship, does not make a person "him/herself." Relationships do not define us, or they shouldn't.

We have talked alot about poly relationships and she is now seeing another woman who I know well and she wants me to do the same. I have been quite happy to let her be open and myself not but she said she cant live with the guilt of her having this open relationship and me not.
Has she explained why this makes her feel so guilty? A poly person isn't more or less poly based on a number of partners.

The only problem is that I feel like my relationship with my partner has ended. I feel more lonely and isolated than I have ever felt in my life. I feel like have opened up a can of worms inside myself that cant be put away. I was content before and now when I meet people I think whether or not they are interested and not just see them as friends etc. I hate myself.
Are you lonely because of your partner's actions? It sounds like you're feeling sad because you feel like you're betraying your partner. I promise you that we all have a capacity to love more than one person; that's the wonderful thing about being human. What are you worried about happening?

Well that is better according to my partner but for me it feels like the kind of sex you have when you first start meeting someone. You know you could take it or leave it and there is certainly no love.
Our partners definitely influence our sexual styles, so maybe she's bringing a few habits from her other partner home with her. If you feel like she's less affectionate, however, maybe you should try turning up the romance. Try cuddling more, being more attentive, being a good listener, et al. There are lots of cheap date options: You can have a picnic together or go swimming. (I'm sure there are lots of other things, but I'm brain dead at the moment.)

I feel like alice tumbling down the rabbit hole. Whats wrong with me? Most men would love to be in my position. Am I being pathetic and should I just go along with it.
If you work on this for awhile and explore it, you may find it's not for you. And that's okay, too. And maybe the relationship can survive, and maybe it won't, but I can assure you that you sound like a good man, and a good catch, whether you find yourself poly or mono.

Last edited by LotusesandRoses; 06-07-2012 at 04:49 AM.
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