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Old 06-07-2012, 01:36 AM
Kella Kella is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 14

Obviously you do need to be listened to and respected in your relationship, and it's an issue if you don't feel like that's happening. But... the same goes for your partner.

My intro is here if you want to know where I'm coming from, but basically I've got poly feelings and my husband doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to discuss it, so I get to (yay!) hide that part of myself from him to keep the peace in our house. It sucks.

Thing is, she might just need to talk to you. She might not need to actually live poly, or at least not yet. She might be happy to take all the time you need, even years, to inch toward something that works for both of you down the road. But having to fake being happy with monogamy? Having to pretend to you that she doesn't think about polyamory and what might be possible? Having to suppress any feelings that don't fit a nice monogamous template in favour of guilt and shame? Believe me, it's a road to deep unhappiness.

It might feel uncomfortable/painful/weird to read a book about opening your relationship and continue to talk to your partner about her feelings and needs, but surely it's better than forcing her to fake a contentment she doesn't feel? I'm not saying to open the relationship against your will to make your partner happy (that would be equally destructive), just to keep the discussion open and let her talk about her real feelings without guilt/shame. She can't help the way she feels any more than you can.

Lots of good points have already been raised. My two cents: she won't leave you because she's poly, but she could leave you if she doesn't feel accepted and listened to. I sure hope I never get to that point, myself.

Take care & I hope you can find some peace and comfort with all this,

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