Hi nycindie - thanks for your comments, I always appreciate them.
I have actually started being open to the idea of dating someone else, and have taken some small actions in that direction. At this point, my hope is to keep Marty in my life in a much more relaxed way. Similar to your concept of lover-friends I have read about in other parts of these boards. I still need to have The Talk with him to tell him what exactly I want/need from what we have, but really, I have identified that part of the problem was stemming from me expecting too much, not just of him, but of both of us.
I'm not giving him a wash on behavior that I view as inconsiderate by any means, even though I recognize much of it has to do with his anxiety disorder. I just hope that by realigning my expectations, I can still continue to enjoy him in my life, as well as my friendship with his wife and my kids' friendship with his son.
Please kick me in the e-pants whenever my blog posts merit it! The reminders to stick up for myself are always welcome, since so often I feel like I am the bad guy in these things.
"This, too, is sacred."
In a triad with A and B.