well I'm a spammy blogger today. I just found out that Marty is hanging out with an ex and they are taking his son/her daughter out and about to the park and etc today. Cue the green eyed monster. My paranoid, overthinking, pessimistic mind immediately leaps to, maybe this is why he's so uninterested in me lately. Even though I know from talking to him, as well as his wife, that he has little to no interest in resuming anything with her. Let alone replacing me with her, of all things.
I wish our schedules meshed more so we could take his kid/my kids out for things as a group more often. I wish that I didn't feel like I was an obligation instead of something wanted. I wish I didn't always feel like the lowest possible priority. And I know so very much of this is internal and I need to just suck it up, be a grown up, and get better at being my own primary, as I see others mention on here, rather than counting on happiness coming from my husband, boyfriend, or anyone else except ME.
Husband and I are not seeing eye to eye this week either which is not helping my overall mood and adds to my uncertainty about tonight. Do I stay home and try to be supportive of the things hubby is dealing with, even though I dramatically disagree with him and am having trouble reining in my annoyance with him over the thing bothering him? (not that it bothers him - feelings are what you feel and therefore never wrong - we just disagree on the thing itself) or do I get a break from the home tension and attempt to enjoy a date night that will likely be more accurately me hanging with boyfriend and his family? if I do go over can I keep my brain from assuming that he doesn't want me there and he'd rather be doing any number of things than whiling a few hours away with me? can I fake it til I make it and try to fight off all this negativity?
I am soooo glad for blogs sometime, I can babble as much as I want and no one has to be annoyed by it, LOL.
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.