Yes exactly, those are the kinds of questions I've been needing to be asked.
We've been together for 3 1/2 years, I am a man, she is a woman, she is Bisexual and I am straight, we do live together and we'd talked about poly for quite some time. I have no other lovers although I do have someone I'm interested in and she has all but broken contact with this man as he didnt satisfy her. I'd always been okay with the idea of her dating other women, but this is the first time she's expressed intrest in another man, let alone sleeping with one. The old paradigm of our relationship ended a month and a half ago and we're not technically together, but working on ourselves and working on a restructuring of the relationship. And one of her needs in order to set up a new romantic/sexual relationship with me would be getting a handle on the inner patriarch as she is very independent and will not tolerate any control, which I fully agree to and accept.
As far as changes, I think the main thing is that its the first time she's been interested in a man. She used to hide her attraction to men to make me comfortable and now its much more out in the open.
And yes the dynamic has change dramatically, we were in a very ownership based relationship and is now completely free with the only main committment being to each others highest good.
The thought only came up when I think of her actually having sex with another man, and as a matter of fact it is the same way I judge myself. I've held myself back from being physical with someone I am interested in because I feel it would be betraying her and yes in fact dirty as well.
So I definitely think it is a mixture of social programming, and the shaming of sexuality from growing up in a strict religious household. The energy doesnt feel like mine at all. It feels like imprinting from an archaic state of mind that I've been exposed to and unconsciously adopted over time.
What I feel is, that I need to get away from her, I actually feel so though I've been cheated on even though we are not together.
It's all pretty irrational and speaking about it to someone that isnt her make it seem kind of silly. These feelings are definitely dissipating over time and I really appreciate your input and help with this. Thank you so much, you've been a great help.