Originally Posted by redpepper
He has always insisted that he will and is monogamous. He got very confused when he found himself bonding with another woman and still being in love with me. I can see how this would keep him from saying something too. I was hoping that, like when he needed to work through his family issues after his divorce, that he would come to me for that sort of thing also. I was hurt when he didn't.
He is insisting I see these other men now. I have told him I am not interested in seeing anyone and want to scale back to just us again, but he wants me to see it through and decide for my self. I have lost interest in anything that is going to any way rock the boat or add more stress and activity in my life at the moment, but as Mono seems to of really liked to see me so happy I am seeing if there is a chance that I could be happy again with all that was and is going on around me. I am not sure if its a good idea. I find it hard to trust that his pushing me out the door is for the reasons he says.
Actually, along with healing your connection with him, I do agree with Mono that you also should go out and continue seeing these new guys. For a couple of reasons...
First, being social and developing relationships is very much a part of who you are. I don't think it will serve any practical use to put that part of you on hold.
Second, you need some lightness to balance out the tough stuff; let these new guys be something of an escape and comfort, even if you are distracted when you're with them at first. And they will probably appreciate having the chance to be there for you. I'm sure, you will eventually get present and enjoy some moments, which will be soothing.
Third, I know from my own life that when an issue arises with someone I love, they can find it really irritating if I want to constantly work on it. This is something that Mono is dealing with and, yes, it affects you all, obviously, but I personally really liked it when I read that he had asked for some time to just spend together and not be analyzing and discussing. So, he has reassured you that there wasn't anything you did to push him away; he simply spent a lot of time with someone else, was surprised by his own feelings, and feels like everything is different now. He knows now that you prefer that he come to you if the stuff he's going through is difficult, but it is still his process and up to him - and if you let him be, he will come to you, I'm sure.